10:59 am: Cabrera? The Sox got Cabrera? Are you serious? The SOX?!? Cabrera? Oh man, this is great. Start printing those playoff tickets. Oh man, and for JUST GARLAND? But why on earth would Florida take on . . . oh, you mean Orlando Cabrera. Meh.
11:06 am: Dude, wait a minute, where are we going to get another Jon Garland?
11:07 am: Dude, wait, what do you mean Garland’s ERA is 4.42? But he won all those games, and those back-to-back shutouts to start that one season, and winning 36 games in two years, and fleecing the Cubs to get him for Matt Kirchner in 1998, and that complete game in the ALCS. Or remember that one game against Baltimore where the bases were loaded with two outs and Garland got Miguel Tejada to chase a sinker for strike three? Man, 2005 was awesome.
11:08 am: Well, Cabrera is the reigning Gold Glove shortstop and is capable of 20/20 offense. Not bad.
11:11 am: In 34 at-bats, Orlando Cabrera has three doubles, three homers and a .412 average. So at least now we can say “Don’t worry, Johnny SoCal’s pitching for the Angels today and O-Cab’s got his number.” You know, if we decide to talk like idiots. Which we will.
11:35 am: So it’s an improvement over Uribe, but what happens to the rotation now? Mark Buehrle, Javier Vazquez, Jose “It’s Been Awhile” Contreras, John Danks and Gavin Floyd? That’s what the 1998 Yankees’ rotation would look like if the 1998 Yankees of Domination were actually the 2007 White Sox of Failure.
12:10 pm: Part of the deal included the Angels sending cash. How much? Is it enough to wipe Uribe off the books no matter where he plays? Garland is due $12 mil in 2008; Cabrera, $9 mil; Uribe, $4.5 mil. Well played, Kenny. Well played.
12:22 pm: Wait, Gavin Floyd? Did the Sox really just fix one gaping hole (SS) by effectively digging another, deeper one (#3 through #5 SP)? Does the rotation really go Ace-Question Mark-Question Mark-Unknown Quantity-Gaping Hole? Wasn’t this the same formula employed all but one year since the breakup of the McDowell-Fernandez-Bere-Alvarez-Belcher/Sanderson brigade? Yikes.
12:25 pm: Choose those words, Kenny! On the occasion of Uribe’s re-signing: “We didn’t feel the free agent market or the current trade possibilities were better than what we currently have in-house with him.”
1:06 pm: This is probably wise, given what a pitcher of Garland’s ability will probably command next winter and the fact that the Sox probably had no chance of keeping him anyway.
1:45 pm: Once upon a time, at a place called the Winter Meetings in the long-ago year of 2006, Garland nearly went to the Astros in exchange for not one, not two but three promising young players in Willie Taveras, Taylor Bucholz and Jason Hirsh. Now, he and his shoulder knot are good for but a 33-year-old infielder entering his walk year. Oh what a difference a regressive year makes.
2:02 pm: Williams says Uribe will be shopped, the goal is to extend Cabrera, that Cabrera will most likely bat #2 and there may or may not be another defensive asset player on his way. Oh, and he called O.C. a “grinder.” That’s not a good thing, considering how many guys’ grindyness has translated into .260 batting averages on the South Side.
4:35 pm: Orlando Cabrera doesn’t even have a number yet, but you can already order an authentic replica jersey just like the one he’ll wear. Grindyness sold separately.
11:16 pm: You just have to wonder what happens to Uribe now. He can’t be that expendable, can he? I mean, the dive into the stands for out number two, the running throw to Konerko for out number three, the random clutch home runs, the palms raised to the sky on bullets hit to left, the cannon shots across the diamond, the mightiest double play combo in the AL, the freest-swinging bottom of the order in all of baseball . . . man, 2005 was awesome.