Endless, Nameless

From the mailbag:

Yo Andrew –
Say [Tribune owner Sam] Zell actually does sell the naming rights to Wrigley to the highest bidder, and also the Cubs have to play at Sox Park while it’s being redone. Thoughts? And should we as Sox fans even give a crap?
– Jon, Chicago

Oh my yes, but there are a few ways to answer to this question, and I’ll take them in order of total selfishness.

TO A CHICAGOAN THIS IS A GREAT IDEA. If you don’t live here, you really have no idea what a vise Cubs games really put residents of this city in. Ask anyone who takes the Edens or Kennedy in from the suburbs how their drive is during night games. Ask anyone who rides the Red Line what the crush of kids in Derrek Lee jerseys does for their trip home, then ask them how much worse those kids are after the game. Ask anyone who lives between Belmont and Montrose east of Ashland about the parking situation in their neighborhood on game days. Ask anyone who likes hanging out at any neighborhood bar in the area what happens to the crowd after an evening of North Side baseball. Then tell them that there’s a chance to reduce the tidal wave of casual onlookers and baseball-indifferent idiots that would rush to see a game at “historic” Wrigley Field on a regular basis, because those people all had to go to the big, scary South Side just in time to be robbed not of their wallets, as any of this city’s more ignorant would tell you, but of their dumpy little ballpark. The tour buses are not blocking Clark Street. The Edens is not 90 minutes to Addison but 105 minutes to the Circle. Trust me, they’ll be ecstatic.

TO A FAN OF BASEBALL, OR EVEN OF SPORTS IN GENERAL, THIS IS TERRIBLE. I’ve written at length before about the disservice arena tenants ultimately do to fans and communities, but I’ll say it again: there are few things in sports as lame as corporation-named ballparks. And yes, that includes the one where the Good Guys play. While it’s true that no self-respecting Cubs fan would refer to it as “United Airlines Ballpark” or whathaveyou, we should consider the Wrigley moniker as good as dead anyway because no self-respecting human beings would call themselves a Cubs fan. As a fan in denial, I can say that any legitimate Cubs fan will always call the park at Clark and Addison Wrigley Field, no matter what bland name they may hang over the turnstiles. Ask any Sox fan where the Sox play; you’ll hear “Comiskey” or “Sox Park” more than you hear “U.S. Cellular Field.” Of course, you’ll probably also hear that the key to winning another World Series is luring back former fan favorites and getting the gang back together for one last big score. Speaking of which, what are Orval Overall and Frank Schulte up to these days, anyway?

TO A SOX FAN, THIS IS HILARIOUS. When Wrigley first started falling apart a few years ago, Jerry Reinsdorf went on record as saying there was no chance the Cubs would be allowed to play at Comiskey (see!). The lease they have with the State gives the Sox total veto power over what happens at the park, so arguing it is a moot point. The Brewers might be kind enough to let the Cubs borrow their stadium, but the more likely scenario would have the Cubs taking over a nearby college or university, much like the Bears playing in Champaign while Soldier Field went under the knife.
Ultimately, what happens is the Cubs lose their cuddly little lie of a playground, residents get their streets back for a little while, and suddenly people will have to see that North Side organization for what they are. They wouldn’t have the field to use as an excuse, and under Zell’s plan they wouldn’t have WGN to prop up their fabricated mystique anymore. Instead, they would be but sad reminders that no matter the uniform, and no matter where they play or what they do, a loser is still a loser. Your team sucks and you’ll have lost a big piece of your team’s history. Welcome to the club, Cubs fans.