You know how much we love all those wacky Sox rumors, so let’s take a look at the latest bit of half-informed gossip making the rounds. NBC5 Chicago, among others, reported last week that Ozzie Guillen had “traveled to the Dominican Republic to see [Bartolo] Colon pitch in the Dominican winter league.”

Now, under normal circumstances this means nothing, except for the fact that a) this story just won’t die, at least among Sox fans, and b) if you think about it, Colon might be exactly the type of pitcher the Sox need to attain respectability, if not contention. Can Colon be counted on to deliver the type of season (3.48 ERA, 1.159 WHIP) that won him a Cy Young just three seasons ago? Probably not. Would it even be reasonable to expect a performance on par with his last stint on the South Side (3.87 ERA, 1.198 WHIP, 173 K’s in 2003)? Probably not either. So what of it? Why should the Good Guys bother with an aging, injury-prone, out-of-shape power pitcher?
I’ll tell you why, man: Gavin Floyd is out of options.

“Out of options” means that a player has been on the major league roster in three different seasons and been pro for at least four. If the player is removed from the 40-man roster, he can only go back to the minors after clearing waivers which – if we’re to believe the Sox’ spin on things – Floyd would never do. Sure, Floyd couldn’t keep a job with the Phillies in 2004, 2005 and 2006 prior to last year’s mixed bag with the Sox, but don’t you dare forget about that “top-of-the-rotation” business Kenny Williams was talking about after acquiring him from Philadelphia.

As we’ve seen, he’s still a shaky starter at best but does okay (sometimes) in long relief, and we all know that a staff with John Danks and Jose Contreras is going to need a more-than-occasional spell. This way Floyd gets to do what he does best, Sox brass can make themselves look like the geniuses they say they are, and the Sox have a legitimate starter in each of the five slots in the rotation. Any way you look at it, everyone wins!

Remember, Colon beat out two of the Sox’ own to get that Cy Young in 2005. For a lot of people, the Sox winning the World Series in 2005 was grounds enough to hang on to Jose Contreras and offer Aaron Rowand an Olympic-sized swimming pool full of hundreds, so why not also cling to the past glory of the pitcher who was too injured to stand in their way once playoff time rolled around?

Of course, the Sox haven’t always had the best luck with Big Fat Guy Power Pitchers, but what have they really got to lose by signing Colon to a one-year deal while Floyd (hopefully and finally) matures to his potential? Pride? Stature? The legacy of White Sox pitching? Another ninety games?

Actually. . . you know what, don’t answer that.