Tonight is 1980s Night at the Cell, and in honor of the Me Decade we present the first ever 35th Street Mixtape, starring all your favorite retro hits as tonight’s starting lineup.
Orlando Cabrera, SS: “Be Good to Yourself,” Journey. Steve Perry and Orlando Cabrera were both highly sought acquisitions by their respective employers. Both were known to be quite good at their jobs, but are also rumored to be kind of a jerk.
A.J. Pierzynski, C: “Walking on the Moon,” The Police. Everyone knows about the Police fighting amongst themselves, but few people noticed the band was employing some of the most subtly difficult musicianship in the past forty years of popular music. The next time Pierzynski sets in behind the dish, put on a copy of Zenyatta Mondatta and take note how change-ups on a 3-1 count are the arpeggiated major ninths of managing a major league staff.
Carlos Quentin, LF: “Holiday,” Madonna. And from out of nowhere, a star was born even though she’d already earned considerable praise and recognition in the dance scene for her early singles. Sometimes you just have to prove yourself.
Jermaine Dye, RF: “U Got the Look,” Prince. Much to a lot of fans’ dismay, a good deal of Prince’s great post-Purple Rain work went unrecognized by the award ceremony crowd. Of course, what these people overlooked was the fact that Prince already had a shelf full of trophies and platinum records, not to mention that he made a living doing what he loved and doing it well. You can draw your own parallels on this one.
Jim Thome, DH: “Why Can’t This Be Love?”, Van Halen. Accepted but not nearly as loved as his predecessor despite comparable productivity, Jim Thome will never match the sentimental mystique of the DH he replaced. Similarly, after replacing fanatically worshipped singer David Lee Roth with the less entertaining but more reliable Sammy Hagar, Van Halen’s newfound mainstream popularity didn’t hold steady until the 5150 album, the first with Hagar.
Paul Konerko, 1B: “We Care a Lot,” Faith No More. Slow-hitting, steady, and awesome to those who know it. We care a lot about you getting far too many GDPs / We care a lot about your crushing breaking balls just off the knees.
Nick Swisher, CF: “Welcome to the Jungle,” Guns ‘N Roses. With Appetite for Destruction, GnR came out of the gate swinging unlike anyone before or since. The follow-up album was a mixed result, and the band devolved into a strange Frankenstein monster that has yet to fully deliver on the promise shown at its arrival.
Joe Crede, 3B: “Teen Age Riot,” Sonic Youth. Sonic Youth were pretty much always awesome, but no one really outside of their little scene ever heard of them until the lead track from their 1989 classic Daydream Nation earned them a good level of attention. They’ve enjoyed endless critical praise ever since, although purists like to argue the band had in fact already peaked by the time anyone noticed. Joe Crede, this year’s All-Star Game was your Daydream Nation.
Alexei Ramirez, 2B: “In a Big Country,” Big Country. Kind of goofy, fairly unknown upon arrival but doing great work in totally disciplined yet remarkably wild fashion; let’s hope Alexei’s story ends better than Big Country’s.
Mark Buehrle, SP: “Cover Me,” Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. Consistently good and with an air of blue-collar sensibility despite making tens of millions of dollars a year. Now get your curveball working, Boss.