Into the Future, Irresponsibly

So with the Peavy thing gone and dead, what have we learned? For one, we know Kenny Williams still loves him some power pitchers; for another, we can safely assume the AL Central is a more fearsome division than we ever imagined, because why else would an award-winning pitcher refuse the opportunity to play here?

Best of all, we now know our mostly beloved yet often derided general manager is ready, willing and able to make a wild move that no one saw coming. The years of chasing scraps, bust prospects and reclamation projects have probably made us forget, but remember getting David Wells from Toronto? Freddy Garcia from the Mariners? Up-and-coming bat Jim Thome for future Hall of Famer Aaron Rowand? Perhaps they are not all Mack-o-Wacks and two separate trades for Carl Everett. Perhaps true firepower is on its way.

So what else, then, might our fearless leader have his eye on? Let us gaze into the 35th Street 8-Ball and take a look.

Erik Bedard, LHP, Mariners. He’s hurt. A lot. So what? If the Sox can get Jose Contreras back six months ahead of schedule, they can keep Bedard’s hip in line. Dude’s going six innings a game with a 2.64 ERA for a measly $7.75MM on a contract that expires this year. The M’s are also, frankly, pretty bad. This should be easy.

Manny Ramirez, OF, Dodgers. A former hated AL Central foe in the tradition of Thome, A.J. Pierzynski and both Alomars. A disgraced player suddenly hated by most fans of the sport. Old. Slow. Useless in the field. If the Sox can justify acquiring a guy who tried to run over a group of kids with his car, they can justify counterfeit bombs and a lame glove.

Nick Swisher, OF, Yankees. HAHA, just kidding. Remember when Swisher lit the world on fire last month? He’s lousy again.

Kelsi Dunne, RHP, Alabama Crimson Tide. Dunne threw back-to-back no-hitters last week in the Women’s College World Series. Probably not acquirable for MLB, but that’s awesome all the same.

Roy Halladay, Ichiro Suzuki, Alex Rodriguez, Grady Sizemore, Joe Mauer, Albert Pujols or Any Other Wildly Unattainable Player the Idiots Who Call Into Sports Radio Insist the Sox Can Get, No Problem, fer a Package-a Thome and, Uh, Let’s Say Brian Anderson. The sports world is full of morons and I suspect every one of them found their way onto the air as callers to the Score this morning. Remind me to bring the iPod next time I go for a drive.