Did you know it’s been 100 years since the Cubs last won a World Series? That’s crazy.

Anyway, while another year of unprecedented losing makes headlines, there are still some upcoming milestones to mark time since certain events of great importance have shaped the world around a certain team from a certain South Side of a certain town. Some of these may make headlines but the observation of most will have to go on in anonymous revelry.

CARVED OUT OF WOOD

The actual date passed two weeks ago, but happy fifth anniversary to our pal Eric Dybas, universally recognized jackass whose assault on umpire Laz Diaz somehow became fodder for Sox-bashing despite Dybas’ admission that he was in fact a Cubs fan, and he’d been drinking all day at some bar at Clark and Addison.

This year also marks five since Esteban Loaiza’s lone remarkable season, posting a 21-9 record with 207 K’s, a 2.91 ERA and 1.113 ERA in what was easily the most dominant pitching out of this city in 2003, unless you count beating up on the Pirates and folding in the playoffs as domination.

TIN CUP SHOT

Can you believe it’s been ten years since arguably the worst staff in team history posted a collective 5.24 ERA only earned 42 saves as a team? Jaime Navarro, who Sox brass chose to pursue in lieu of alleged has-been Roger Clemens, went 8-16 with a 6.36 ERA, which was actually better than the 6.45 Jason Bere put up in his 15 starts. Clemens, by the way, went 20-6 that year on his way to a second consecutive Cy Young Award for the Blue Jays. Juicing philanderer or not, the swapping Jaime for Roger puts the Sox within 2 games of Cleveland that year for the AL Central “championship.”

CRYSTAL PALACE TIME

It could’ve been great. The AL Cy Young, Manager of the Year, and MVP winners all worked on the South Side. Three starting positions players hit over .300 while the team put up almost five runs per game. Meanwhile, the staff ERA was 3.70 and Bere’s 3.47 was actually the worst of the front four. Alas, it was not meant to be: DH’s Bo Jackson and George Bell hit .217 and .232 respectively. Oh, and the eventual AL Champion Blue Jays had seven All-Stars, four of whom started the game. Those same Blue Jays also acquired a struggling Tony Fernandez from the Mets in exchange for a reserve outfielder. Fernandez would go on to hit .305 with a .361 OBP for the Jays and .318 against the Good Guys in the ALCS. That reserve outfielder the Jays gave up? ****ing D.J.

GET OUT THE GOOD CHINA

The 1988 Chicago White Sox scored 631 runs while allowing 757, but stat-heads can wince twice: while their 71-90 record was awful in and of itself, their Pythagorean won-loss was a wretched 67-94. They may have been 5th in the actual AL West, but statistical history means they actually finished last in the theoretical AL West.

SILVER LINING, CARDBOARD MEDAL

2-1; 0-4; 1-11; 0-3. It could’ve been sweet, but it’s hard to win pennants when you hit .211 as a team in the postseason. Sometimes though, you just gotta fail gracefully and move on. Or, you know, make excuses. Whatever.