As previously reported by pretty much every major and minor news outlet in the sports world, our man Ozzie Guillen will be joining the pre- and post-game analysis team during this year’s
impending Yankee Blood Sacrifice World Series.
For reasons that go with saying, this is going to be awesome, but just how awesome? Let us count the ways in which the only living manager to bring this city a World Series championship could make 2009 the second-greatest World Series of all time:
Say something derogatory about Derek Jeter. The hair, the jump throws, the cologne – anything, really. He’s probably a nice guy, but some people just need to be brought down a notch once in a while. Or, barring that, all the time.
Make references to 2005. Someone has to, no, someone will do this, and who better than the man who gave us all the lone shining moment to cling to in this generally miserable Sox-watching existence. Jimmy Rollins’ walk-off home run is exactly like Scott Podsednik’s walk-off in 2005; Joba Chamberlain is a large power pitcher coming out of the bullpen just like Bobby Jenks was in 2005; Nick Swisher strikes out looking, just like he did with the White Sox three years after 2005. And hey, let’s throw in reminiscence of the Guillen-coached 2003 Marlins for good measure. Because you know who the 2003 Marlins turned into a hilarious baseball joke? The Yankees. Oh yeah, I went there.
Casually mention how the 2009 White Sox absolutely crushed the Yankees in Chicago. But don’t mention what happened in New York. That remains a total embarassment.
Ask aloud, ironically and sarcastically, why the campaign to get Swisher on the All-Star team failed. I know I will!
Please please please call out Tim McCarver for pretty much everything he said during the 2005 World Series, especially the “taste” remark immediately preceding Pods’ walk-off. Also call out Chris Berman for his “Oh no! Everybody’s safe!” wail of defeat when that grounder went between Tony Graffanino’s legs during Game 2 of the ALDS. Not that Berman’s part of the Fox crew or anything, but someone needs to take him to task. And Fox seems to like having enemies, so this works out well.
Talk about what a good game Chone Figgins, Torii Hunter and Howie Kendricks had tonight. Because this means the Yankees blew it. Again. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Like I said: this could be awesome.