Another Week, Another Reason To Laugh At Us


Oney Guillen, who has exactly as many major-league at-bats to his name as you and I, did not like working for the three geeks who never played the game and who know nothing about sports, by which I assume he means (a) the owner who has brought more titles to Chicago than every other team owner this city has ever seen combined, (b) the general manager who is at once the best and worst at his job and, you know, played six seasons as a pro and (c) his own father, who I’m sure had nothing to do with him getting a shot at those major-league at-bats in the first place. I mean, if you can’t trust a nepotistic 36th-round pick, who can you trust? Also, he prefers face-to-face, man-to-man conversation which, I guess, is why he lost his job via Twitter. Or something.

Somewhere in the Northern League, Daniel Cox is laughing at all of us.


Jake Peavy doesn’t like the Cubs. Just like before, except, you know, the opposite.


Bobby Jenks will be back in time for Opening Day and—holy crap—that’s only two weeks away.


A common refrain—and I’m right there with it—is that the offense is going to hinge not on the whole lot of nothing waiting to happen with the designated hitter, nor with Paul Konerko nor with Gordon Beckham completing his inevitable transformation into some kind of Voltron-like mechanism with Chase Utley for its arms, Albert Pujols for a head and late-1990s Alex Rodriguez for a pair of legs, but rather with Carlos Quentin “returning to the mean.” You know: if Carlos Quentin does what Carlos Quentin is capable of, then the bats will be able to do their job enough to let the team Carlos Quentin its way into a Carlos Quentin-type Carlos Quentin Carlos Quentin.

But I think this is where the blinders come in, where we Sox fans risk descent into our own version of the Mark Prior/Kerry Wood madness that happened across town throughout most of the last decade: if Carlos Quentin does his “usual Carlos Quentin thing,” what does that really look like?

.254/.349/.491, 31 HR, 97 RBI

Which would be phenomenal, if only we could base those numbers off of anything that’s ever actually happened. I, for one, am going to think positively on this one, but I also never got that one hit in that one game in AAA on the last day of the season, so what do I know?

2 thoughts on “Another Week, Another Reason To Laugh At Us”

  1. The whole thing is just stupid. I thought common sense said not to badmouth the cushy job you were handed, but this kid shoots his mouth off and what does he expect?

  2. Your Voltron comparison is the funniest thing since Swiss cheese! Clearly I am not the comic genious you are.
    As much as I agree with the idea of Carlos being the key to the offense, spending a little more money as insurance policy would have been my choice. Should be fun either basking in victory or crapulance. Gonna make an appearance for opening day? I would love to share some laughs over $9 Heinekens.

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