Times are tough, friends, and our nation sits at a mighty crossroads. The economy is falling apart, partisanship has turned us against each other, and the future looks bleaker with each passing day. What this country needs is a leader. A uniter. A carrier and a motivator. A visionary.
What this country needs is Paul Konerko for president. We could speak incessantly about Paulie’s Plan for America, but instead let the man’s career speak for itself:
PAUL KONERKO HAS EXPERIENCE AND LEADERSHIP
One of five formal captains in all of baseball. No-trade protection not granted but earned through unwavering service to the team he rose up with. His World Series effort shows Paul Konerko is feared; his three All-Star appearances show Paul Konerko is loved.
PAUL KONERKO KNOWS HOW TO CHOOSE HIS BATTLES
Konerko came up as a catching prospect in the Dodgers system. The Dodgers at the time had one of the game’s superior catchers in Mike Piazza. A lesser individual would throw a fit; the Next American President seized the opportunity to become a super-sub.
PAUL KONERKO PUTS THE TEAM FIRST
How super? Try four defensive positions in 1998 super. By way of comparison, John McCain and Barack Obama played zero that year – combined. “I’d play outfield, anything, if it would get me to the big leagues,” he told SI in 1997.
PAUL KONERKO HAS VISION
“It was a fastball. I knew it was coming.” – following a first pitch that became his grand slam in game four of the 2005 World Series.
PAUL KONERKO RESPECTS THE ACHIEVEMENTS OF OTHERS
“He plays the game so easily, it doesn’t look like he’s putting in the same effort as everybody else. It’s frustrating when you’re a hack like me and you have to watch him every day.” – on teammate Magglio Ordonez, 2003.
PAUL KONERKO IS RESPECTED BY THOSE WHOSE JOB IT IS TO RESPECT
“Paul Konerko has become a tremendous hitter. He handles every pitch in every location and hits for power and average.” – anonymous MLB scout, 2002.
PAUL KONERKO DOES IT FOR THE LOVE
“If it’s between not playing and DHing, I love DHing. If it’s between DHing and first base, they’re not even in the same ballpark.” – July 1999.
PAUL KONERKO IS JUST LIKE YOU
Paul Konerko could have taken gobs more money to play in either of a place more glamorous or more gritty (Los Angeles and Baltimore, respectively) than the South Side of Chicago. Barack Obama only comes to Chicago for the parties; John McCain’s never even been.
Paul Konerko could have admitted he was hurt earlier in the 2008 season and left us in the hands of lesser men.
Paul Konerko could have bailed on his Sox and his supporters countless times, but Paul Konerko doesn’t practice politics that way. Paul Konerko does these things because Paul Konerko needs America the way America needs Paul Konerko.
This November 4th, vote for a South Side we can believe in: Runs. Power. Paulie.
I am not Paul Konerko, and Paul Konerko probably does not endorse this message. Paid for by Citizens to Elect Paul Konerko Because That Would Be Awesome.