How bad has this season become?
The Kansas City Royals, they of the annual 100 losses, are only 1.5 games behind the Chicago White Sox. With GM Kenny Williams making bold statements to the press about shaking things up, it’d probably be a fine time to add my own ideas on how to right the ship as well.
Step 1: Forfeit the rest of the season. Look, the outcomes would’ve been the same either way; this at least saves everyone from the front office to the cheap seats the time, money and heartbreak of having to witness 90 more of these so-called games.
Step 2: Outlaw any and all references to what someone did for the 2005 team. Seriously, that was two years and a lot of dignity ago. The team and fans need to move on and nostalgia is not going to make things any better.
Step 3: Trade everyone. If you’re going to be a bad team, you might as well be a bad team with a light at the end of the tunnel. Ship out Mark Buehrle and Jermaine Dye. Uribe too. While you’re at it, see what you can get for Paul Konerko, Jose Contreras, Southpaw and my Esteban Loaiza jersey t-shirt.
Step 4: Build an All Nobody Team From Past Nobody Teams. Imagine an outfield of Chris Singleton, Ellis Burks, and Mike Cameron. Dave Martinez, Ray-Ray, Jose Valentin and Greg Norton around the horn. James Baldwin from the right. Mike Sirotka from the left. Brook Fordyce behind the dish. Does this sound stupid? Of course it does. . . but no stupider than getting swept by the damn Cubs.
God I hate this team.