The Chicago Tribune, who not too long ago recused themselves from coverage of such things, reports that film guru and famous basketball dude Mark Cuban would really, really like to buy the Cubs and also reports that such a purchase would be, like totally awesome.

You’re probably familiar with Cuban, and are probably convinced of his wild spending and win-at-all-costs approach. Through a string of shrewd moves, fan-like idiocy in the stands and a general drive to bring the perpetually awful Dallas Mavericks to the brink of respectability, Cuban’s made himself one of the few
celebrity owners in sports. He’s got money, he’s got drive, he’s got a vision, and he’s got the kind of general fun-over-funds approach that anyone wants to see in the owner of their team.

Cubs fans are already setting up chairs along the parade route while Sox fans contemplate moving out of Chicago. In all likelihood, both have the entirely wrong idea.

It’s true Cuban not only has money but likes to spend it. It’s true he’s got some great ideas and says some nice things about what he wants to do for the Cubs. It’s true the Mavs’ tunraround was nothing short of spectacular. But for all the 50-win seasons, cool new logos and celebrity houseguests, there’s something people on both sides of town keep overlooking: Cuban has never built anything more than an also-ran. Ever.

Dallas Mavericks season results since acquisition by Mark Cuban:

• 2000-2001: Lost Western Conference semifinals
• 2001-2002: Lost Western Conference semifinals
• 2002-2003: Lost Western Conference finals
• 2003-2004: Lost first round
• 2004-2005: Lost Western Conference semifinals
• 2005-2006: Lost NBA Finals
• 2006-2007: Lost first round
• 2007-2008: Lost first round

That many consecutive trips to the playoffs after decades of literally nothing is no small feat, and Cuban’s operation deserves all the accolades it gets. But when you have both Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki on the same team and can’t muster anything more than second place, what are Alfonso Soriano and Reed Johnson going to get you?

It’s true basketball and baseball are entirely different animals, based on different speeds, wildly different team compositions and played through seasons constructed in not even remotely similar fashions. It’s also true that Cuban, even with all that money and motivation, couldn’t assemble a team that could be the best of eight playoff-worthy clubs.

If anything, Cuban’s reign might see the Cubs become something less like the Yankees of the late 1990s and something more like the Indians teams of that same era. Stars aplenty, a lineup anchored by future Hall of Famers, and nothing to show for it but status as the most talented, most consistent runner-up in the sport. Which, you know, would be acceptable. To a Sox fan, this would be hilarious and ultimately rewarding; to a Cubs fan, this would be pretty much more of the same, each passing season degenerating from “this is the year” to “this is just like 2003, 1989, and 1984.”

Why would any self-respecting fan ever want that?