Bold Predictions: Your Sweeps Will Mean Nothing!

As expected, the AL Central is by now the lamest division in the sport with one team over .500.


And, as was not entirely shocking either, that lone decent team is neither of the two involved in this weekend’s set at Kaufmann Stadium. At least the weather will be nice. . . mostly.

Do you remember when the Sox were awful? Remember when they lost five in a row, which were really part of a larger seven of eight, which were in turn but a figment of a wretched 3-12 stretch? And remember when we all thought they turned it around after this little dash of 6-3 including three (three!) series wins – in a row?

Do you realize that mighty run has only elevated the Sox from a lowly 15-22 fourth place to a slightly less lowly yet ultimately as useful 21-25 fourth place? What, then, can we possibly have to look forward to? Lots, actually:

Stop Padding Your Stats, Kid. Zack Greinke pitches Sunday. Death awaits.

Someone’s Due For A Promotion. If the Royals sweep the Sox and the Cleveland Indians sweep the Yankees (which would be awesome!), we can officially welcome the Good Guys to the basement. It seems early in the year to start doing this sort of calculation, the kind where we’re all set as long as Team X loses a certain number while the Sox win a certain number. That should be the province of late season drives to the top, right? Division races and playoff seeds, right? And yet, here we sit, late May and weighing the numerous outcomes in which our beloved franchise finds itself as far from that brand of glory as possible. Sad if you think about it. . . so let’s not, okay?

Cruz Romeo Brooklyn Something-Something. You want pressure? The Wave Of The Future found his way to Charlotte as a third baseman while the Third Baseman Formerly Known As The Wave Of The Future finds himself in a 16-for-the-last-month funk. These kids, what with their accelerated advancement schedules and Twitters and blogs and music and whatnot, they’re crazy!