The 35th Street Review

What we talk about when we talk about Non-Sox playoff series:

Cubs/Dodgers: If the Sox win (more on that tomorrow), may the Cubs win as well; if not, well, it will at least be kind of fun to watch Carlos Zambrano murder one (or many!) of his teammates on national television. Whatever. Prediction: Cubs in 4 OR Dodgers in 5.

Red Sox/Angels: Under no circumstances should any person not from New England ever pull for the Red Sox. Not today, not tomorrow, not when they were supposedly victims of those big bad Yankees and certainly not when they can trade away arguably the best hitter in the American League and actually be better off for it. Prediction: Red Sox can go straight to Hell.

Phillies/Brewers: Brewers fans and the city of Milwaukee are great, even if their team really isn’t. Philadelphia sports fans throw batteries at opposing players and the best song written about their city is also the most depressing song ever written about any city. Ever. Not sure how to feel about this series. Prediction: Tie.

We’ll have more (much more) playoff talk later today. Until then, let’s hear it for. . . whoever.

Two teams will enter, one team will leave. Later, the other team will also leave. Which will be which?

Three things to watch for during the final showdown between kind of good and mostly good:

Brian Anderson shall lead the Twins to victory: Scoring runs is impossible in the Dome anyway, so the Sox will need all the defense they can muster this week. This will of course explain why Ken Griffey, Jr. and Nick Swisher get the starts in center over the Sox’ only weak-hitting centerfielder capable of taming that unruly Metrodome outfield.

Ozzie Guillen obviously reads The 35th Street Review: Javier Vazquez may not be the big-game pitcher the Sox need at a time like this. Guillen said it there, but only after it was first written here. Because, you know, I know everything. Of course.

The proof is in the pile-on: The Sox are 35-43 on the road while the Twins are 49-26 at home. At the Dome specifically, the good Guys are 1-5; if they truly are the .555 winning percentage team they purport to be, we’re looking at a minumum two of three just by the law of averages. What’s more, if they’re truly a .449 road team, it’s statistically impossible for them not to sweep the series. Or something like that.

Outlook: We’re talkin’ minimum two-fer here, Bob. Believe

Three things to watch for as those dirty Canadians sneak across the border to steal honest American Jobs:

Their better be some fireworks. Of their 80 wins, only eight have come in games where the White Sox didn’t hit a home run. Eight. Meanwhile, Blue Jays pitching has served up 126 homers in 1,275.7 innings. The rain part is taken care of, so let’s instead get to work praying for extra innings.

Bill Wirtz is still dead to me. The night half of Tuesday is Blackhawks Night at Comiskey. Could this mean fans waiting nervously for the resolution of a tense 2-1 victory? An overtime shootout? Nick Swisher punching Jesse Litsch in the face over a dirty cross-check? Captain Paul Konerko arguing icing calls?

Stop by and tell them you love them. In a throwback nod to, uh, something or other, Hawk and DJ will be broadcasting the night game from the Fan Deck in center field. Please resist the urge to use this knowledge for evil.

[Editor’s note: This was prepared before today’s news became public. Oh, irony!]

Three things to watch for as two likely playoff teams enter the Octagon this weekend:

The ressurection of White Sox offense. If Paul Konerko and Jim Thome continue to hit, the 3-6 of Carlos Quentin, Jim Thome, Jermaine Dye, and Konerko could be more than enough to put the Good Guys into serious contention (as opposed to the someone’s-got-to-win-those-thing contention they’re in now). Starting pitching will determine this team’s fate, but the bats are going to have their work cut out for them this weekend and through next Thursday.

See? Freak injuries help always help at least someone. Pretty good Angels pitcher Jered Weaver cut himself badly enough ealier this week to spare the Sox his lifetime 3-0, 0.46 ERA record at Comiskey. You have to feel bad for a team that loses a pivotal piece to such a random accident, but these things happen. Get better in time to destroy the Cubs, Jered!

A hero will rise. Last time the Sox and Angels were nationally televised, ESPN helped the nation witness Carlos Quentin hit a walk-off home run off of ace John Lackey to foil his bid for the complete game, the win, and the sweep. This Sunday, the also-pretty-good Joe Saunders gets the nod for the Halos on TBS. Think big, friends. Think big.

[Editor’s note II: We’ll discuss today’s happenings more tomorrow once we (a) let the facts bubble up from beneath the surface (b) let it all sink in and (c) hope for the best here at the dawn of the Dewayne Wise Era.]