The Way It Actually Happened Is For the Birds

Overheard from Hawk during the bottom of the second inning, commenting on what he anticipates from Jim Thome’s return to the lineup:

“All I know is Jim Thome was swinging the bat real well before that trip into interleague, and we’ve got to hope that keeps up. His last few home runs were all going to left, left-center.”

And that’s encouraging. We all know the Sox could’ve used a little extra muscle during their 7-5 trip down the road to nowhere, and a Thome hitting well is a welcome Thome indeed.

Home runs!

Victory trots!

Mercy!

And we all asked out loud as one, “how well WAS he swinging, Hawk?” They cut to commercial not long after Big Jim’s groundout to second, but Hawkeroo, as he often does, had gone and piqued our curiosity only to leave us hanging. So we went digging. And, um, we found some stuff.

Thome, June 2009: .229 average, .426 on-base, .571 slugging.

Jim Thome, Ten-Game Homestand Leading Up to the Roadtrip to National League Parks: eight hits, 30 at-bats, 11 strikeouts, four home runs.

Jim Thome, Past 28 days: .265/.413/.531, 16 strikeouts, four home runs.

So if he wasn’t actually talking about baseball happening right now, during the game he was calling at the time, when exactly was he talking about? Where is this hot-hitting lumberjack destined to save us all? Well, we FOUND him, and the future shall be nothing less than GLORIOUS!

His name? You dare ask? You need ask? His name . . . is Jim.

THOME!

And mark my words, friends, armed with this kind of resurgent, late May/early June thunder they will COWER ACROSS THE LAND in the wake of a team we shall KNOW by their TRAIL of DEAD!

FEAR THEM, American League, for they are. . . the WHITE SOX . . . and batting fourth, number 25, 2004 JIM THOME!!!