The 35th Street Review

Three things to watch for as those dirty Canadians sneak across the border to steal honest American Jobs:

Their better be some fireworks. Of their 80 wins, only eight have come in games where the White Sox didn’t hit a home run. Eight. Meanwhile, Blue Jays pitching has served up 126 homers in 1,275.7 innings. The rain part is taken care of, so let’s instead get to work praying for extra innings.

Bill Wirtz is still dead to me. The night half of Tuesday is Blackhawks Night at Comiskey. Could this mean fans waiting nervously for the resolution of a tense 2-1 victory? An overtime shootout? Nick Swisher punching Jesse Litsch in the face over a dirty cross-check? Captain Paul Konerko arguing icing calls?

Stop by and tell them you love them. In a throwback nod to, uh, something or other, Hawk and DJ will be broadcasting the night game from the Fan Deck in center field. Please resist the urge to use this knowledge for evil.

Things to watch for as the Sox go to Fenway:

Hawkeroo rejoicing the departure of Jay Mariotti, but in a sad kind of way. Every man is defined as much by his enemies as he is by his friends, and to say the ever-jubilant Hawk is an exception would be a lie. Every man needs people on his side, but only because every man has people working against him. What good are D.J., Hall of Fame director Jim Angio, Aeris, and everyone at Fox’s Pizza in Orland Park if they are not united in a common war against a certain curmudgeonly sports”writer”? Who needs good when there is no evil to prevail against? This may just be the end of White Sox broadcasting as we know it.

One of two teams will play the best baseball it’s played in recent memory. Let’s face it, the last time these two teams it was pretty ugly for at least one involved party, what with the South Siders losing a pitchers and two terrible games and whatnot. This time around the Twins still won’t go away but the Red Sox are in danger of doing exactly that. Oddly, this puts any number of Twins losses in the interest of both sets of Sox, as the BoSox lead the Wild Card by 2.5 games and the ChiSox are 1.5 up in the Central. Unfortunately for at least one of them the Twins are playing the A’s, all but guaranteeing two of three for those jerks, what with their advanced runners and clutch hitting. Losers.

At least one game will be decided by a football score. We’re looking at two high-powered offenses here, although everyone knows the Red Sox have lost a step since losing a certain alleged left-fielder. David Pauley, Boston’s projected stater for Saturday’s game, has a career 8.41 ERA and 2.26 WHIP. Then again, he is a no-name pitcher the Good Guys have never faced. Someone’s going to win 9-3. Here’s hoping it’s the Right Sox.

Fact-checking the White Sox TV team. Results prove mostly inconclusive.

Prepare yourselves for four more years of outlosability and lengthy lectures on the difference between guys who play the game well and guys who win the game that’s being played.

How Josh Fields’ Rookie of the Year vote makes Lance Broadway the greatest pitcher of all time.