If the Boston Red Sox win tonight, pay no mind to what any fan of theirs says (doubly so if said “fan” realized their allegiance after 2004 and/or after their 22nd birthday).

If the Boston Red Sox win tonight, ignore every person who says anything to the effect of “this team never gives up,” because it’s safe to say no playoff team ever really gives up unless they’re throwing the series. And that’d just be an embarrassment to whoever was rooting for them.

If the Boston Red Sox win tonight, expect the ESPN commentators’ man-crushes on Kevin Youkilis, David Ortiz, Josh Beckett, Theo Epstein and Terry Francona to reach disgusting new lows. Expect an avalanche of words like “gamer” and “knows how to win,” as though no one else in the league save for the core of Boston knew the secret is to in fact score more runs, not less.

If the Boston Red Sox win tonight, their fans and the national media will most likely declare the World Series a foregone conclusion by virtue of the Red Sox having done this before, character, chemistry, good clubhouse presence, and other sorts of witchcraft that have nothing to do with playing baseball. The Phillies, who roared just as mightily and had the good sense to stay out of a 3-1 hole in the first place, will be an afterthought because they’re up against the team Josh Beckett and Kevin Youkilis play for. The condescension towards the Rays will be sickening, and the lip service paid to the mystique of the Red Sox will probably be too much to bear as pundits and idiots alike gaze upon the magic of the highest ticket prices and second-highest payroll in the major leagues.

If the Boston Red Sox win tonight, the only thing we’ll know anymore is that everything wrong with the sport is exactly what it takes to win. Gouging fans, exorbitant salaries to hired guns, a self-created and self-perpetuated, selectively revisionist franchise mythology – same garbage, different team.

One thought on “Curses!”

  1. Go Rays!!!

    The announcers were pulling so hard for the Red Sox that it made me sick. I hope Red Sox Nation was devestated by losing out twice (division and playoffs) to a bunch of underpaid, no-name kids. Finally now, I have no one to root against.

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