54-40 or Fight!

For reasons unknown, some persons east of here continue to wage a lonely crusade to send Nick Swisher to the All-Star Game. Perhaps you remember Swisher, he of the bro-tastic attitude, gnarly facial hair and totally rad .210-something average. He once lived here.

BUT, this is not a Swisher takedown piece (Jim did a much better one today in many fewer words). What this is, instead, is a call to action for Sox fans to join arms in adopting similar cause; to rally around a great South Side nobody of dubious merit and send that man packing for St. Louis come July. I’m not talking about Paulie, JD or Carlos Quentin, as all three stand a good chance of getting there on their own, assuming Quentin doesn’t saw his hand off after failing to beat the throw to first on one good leg, but someone only sort of worthy.

Someone not quite deserving, but not quite undeserving, either. Someone we can justify but not really explain. Someone just kind of really okay. A true White Sox All-Star, if you will.

But who among them will lead us to this brave new frontier?

Alexei Ramirez, SS
Electability: High. He swings like a crazy person, which is good. But he’s hitting poorly, which is bad. But he’s also a shortstop, which means his only real competition comes from some guy.
Campaign Slogan: ELECTZEE ALEXEI. (This will look great on a homemade sign at an upcoming game. Hint, hint.)

Josh Fields, 3B
Electability: None. I knew Joe Crede. Joe Crede was a friend of mine. You, sir, are no Joe Crede.
Campaign Slogan: When he was 24, it was a very good year.

Chris Getz, 2B
Electability: Slim. A decent season for an unheralded rookie at an ignored position doesn’t scream “populist.”
Campaign Slogan: What you want, Chris Getz.

A.J. Pierzynski, C; Scott Podsednik, OF.
Electability: Excluded for having already received this treatment. Double exclusion for Pods since discovering how to hit has only made him into a poor team’s Ichiro.
Campaign Slogan: Fan appeal is so three years ago.

Jayson Nix, PH, ETC.
Electability: Negligent, but Nix is a dark horse if ever there was one. Who is he? What can he do? What position does he really play? What does it all mean? It means that .194 could use a vote of confidence, that’s what. Or, even better, a few million of them.
Campaign Slogan: Nix Clix When Folx Pix Nix!

Brian Anderson, OF
Electability: Moderate. The ladies seem to like him, but the dudes still aren’t over the string of heartbreakers before him.
Campaign Slogan: BA 4 AS CF MF!

14 thoughts on “54-40 or Fight!”

  1. You know your team is pathetic when Jake Peavy won’t leave the Padres for Chicago. In New York, we respect players for how hard they play. Swish carried the Yankees on his back the whole month of April…

    The only reason anyone on the White Sox will make the All Star Game is because it’s mandated that every team be represented. Have fun and enjoy the mediocre team you root for and even more mediocre city they play in.

  2. voteswisher, take that weak noise and tired smack back to whatever piece of long island crap you call home. dirty’s a cool guy, but if you want called third strikes and catches bouncing out of a glove representing your team at the asg, you got no business even thinking about baseball.

    and where does this mediocre city talk come from? your team plays in fort apache and you wanna even try to rip on the chi?!? that’s just sad. I love nyc but some of the things new yorkers say makes me understand why so many people don’t. think about that next time you’re b&t-ing your way back to albertson. damn.

  3. VoteSwisher, this piece wasn’t even about Swisher… did you even read it? And if you’re actually going to try to defend him, just wait for a full season. He really played well in April of 2008 too. By the end, he was run out of town. If the Yankees are really counting on his contribution, then you’ll be enjoying another October off this year.

  4. The only White Sox player who will make the All-Star team is Mark Buehrle. Unless someone goes crazy over the next month. As for Swisher, maybe they can put him in the All-Star game so he can dance around the dugout and hit a home run when the game is already decided.

  5. Oh, great, another New York gasbag here to tell us how Joey Santino has the best slice in the city… yawn.

  6. I don’t like PK’s chances of being voted for more than Tex or Youk will. If Q keeps getting hurt, we can probably forget about him going, too. But I do like JD’s chances. Maybe not as a starting OF, but definitely as a reserve. Also agree with CushingLee about Buehrle. 2nd in wins and 3rd in ERA is worthy, for sure.

  7. Maybe if the Sox threw boatloads of money at every available talent, Peavy and other “stars” would be on the South Side. Unfortunately, boatloads of money usually washes out to a great marketing campaign and a product on the field that blows up. Maybe Swish can make the All-Star team as a bullpen pitcher. That seems to be his greatest asset this year.

  8. I’ll take a .225-hitting Yankee with class over the southside trash you put on the field any day of the week.

  9. A few points of rebuttal to Mssrs. Vote and Hennepin.

    1. This piece had nothing to do with Swisher, although it did have everything to do with voting an unlikely player to the All-Star Game. I respect Swisher’s off-field work, but I don’t think he’s really that great a baseball player. Keep in mind I’m only basing this off of things I’ve seen, read, heard, derived, pondered and witnessed. Perhaps there is some other dimension of spectatorship out there in New York we Midwestern hayseeds don’t know about. Or perhaps New York schools are as terrible and woefully underfunded as everyone says they are.

    2. Peavy didn’t write off Chicago, he wrote off the league they play in; the Cubs, for one, are on his “safe list.” Either way I think his refusal to play in the AL says more about him than it does about me. For what it’s worth, he also preemptively refused both the Yankees and Mets.

    3. The Yankees went 12-10 with a Swisher who could hit and 14-9 with the Swisher who couldn’t, so how far did he really carry them? Second place? For such an allegedly great team, $200 million is a lot of money to spend for the right to stare at Boston’s collective ass all season long.

    4. A partial list of other hard-working players Yankees fans have respected: Jason Giambi, Chuck Knoblauch, Kevin Brown, Roger Clemens, Andy Pettite, Mike Stanton, Jason Grimsley, Dave Justice, Glenallen Hill, Denny Neagle, Todd Williams, Alex Rodriguez, Daniel Naulty, Darren Holmes, Gary Sheffield, Ron Villone, Rondell White, Jim Leyritz, Jose Canseco.

    5. Actually, the only reason the White Sox get one All-Star is because your .273-hitting first baseman plays in a larger market than our .303-hitting first baseman. It’s a good thing fans can’t vote on pitchers, though. I’d hate to see Roy Halladay or Zack Greinke denied recognition because Bensonhurst cast five million votes for Chien-Ming Wang. Or, if not Wang, perhaps up-and-coming lefty reliever Nick Swisher.

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